holy mother of God.

is it not obvious that just a few months ago i was living the biggest lie ever? it's sickening.

never get married.  

only took me 3 tries to remember my password! haha.

i spent the last 20mins or so reading old posts. it made me realize once again that i hate every detail about my past. i can almost say that every decision i made was the wrong one. the ironic thing is that i wouldnt change the way it turned out. i noticed that it has really started to irritate me when i hear people say that they have no regrets. how is that possible? you can honestly say that you have never made a decision where later you say, "hm, probably should have gone with plan B." i think they're liars, or just ignorant. sure, it's cool to say you dont regret anything because you "only live once." but that's the whole point. you live once, so why pretend like you're perfect. the point of having regrets is so you learn from them and become a better person. so denying yourself from having regrets is denying yourself from being a better, moralistic person. but hey, maybe no one wants to be that these days.
so like i said, i have regrets..but i wouldnt change how my life has ended up. without those regrets, i wouldnt be able to appreciate what i have now. i absolutely love my life. having Riley really put my life into perspective. obviously getting married did too, but the two are different roles. it's a known fact that ryan and i had the most dysfunctional relationship in highschool...but being married is an entirely different story. an amazing story. ryan has become a great husband, and a great daddy. the most drama we have is that we have to live apart for another 4 months.. not to mention the 5 months we've been married and had to be living in different states, anyway. having my own family finally gives me a real purpose in life. i know the idea of domestication sickens some people and i understand that view, too, to an extent. but when you were growing up and you could never find that right group of friends that were always there and called when they say they would or invited you to do things and really meant it...finding utter happiness in having your own family is far from repulsive. not that getting married and having a baby is way to fill a void, lol. what i mean is...there's nothing better than the feeling of belonging. 

anyway. i know this wont become a habit like it once was. i think the last time i posted was like 6 months ago or something. i just needed a place to vent tonight because ryan was in bed when i called him. haa. i'm actually really stressed about this week. i've been playing phone tag with the director of off-campus programs from Fairmont State for a week now. apparently they dont have my financial aid info (even though it was sent it a million years ago) and are expecting me to pay them $800 by this friday. that's not a problem at all though because i always having $800 right in my back pocket. after i talked to my mom, that wonderful woman, she told me that they are probably trying to find it under my married name, not my maiden name..which is what the info is under. why didnt i think of that. but if that somehow doesnt work out, i'm probably going to offer my body for research and experimentation to the fairmont state science department. that would probably make us even.
also, im on the schedule for mcdonalds again. back to the greasy smelling, table cleaning, may i be your Refill Bitch job. i was told today that i was supposed to work yesterday but they didnt call to let me know i was actually on the schedule. way to be on tops of things. i work friday and saturday, which is awesome because Ryan is coming in this weekend. mcdonalds does not make me put a smile on. is that even the slogan? it's sad that i should know that.

happy valentine's day, tomorrow.

*looks around suspiciously*

hi.
i'm back.
the 10 minute (at the most) process of reseting a password didn't work for me until now. strange, it's like going back in time when signing into xanga. definitely not digging the new look & options of photo/video xanga. nah, i like old school xanga. i just ended 3 sentences with the word "xanga." Four. That was so annoying.
sooo update of my life for those of you who don't know what's going on....& i'm sure that you do anyway. i'm on crack all the time. not really, but i'm pregnant (gasp, wow, omg, etc..) and ryan is gone for like 2 months because he likes the Navy more than me. :(  
work pretty much sucked today, but the variety of people was a bit more interesting than normal. there was the ADD guy who came in with his wife & kids and honest to God jumped, clapped and hugged his wife when she ordered the same thing as him. yay, that was pretty exciting for me too. ? and then the two old men...one was retarded -seriously, im not making fun of him - and the other was...a pirate? i thought so anyway due to his two huge gold hoops in each ear. Oh, not to mention the middle aged guy who, i think, thought he was funny and possibly flirty when he asked, "did you tell me to pull around or fool around?" and then winked at me. Barf. yeahh, i told you to kill yourself.

anyway, i have to finish packing to gatlinburg tonight b/c im leaving tomorrow...yayy.

i shall never grow up
make believe is much too fun
can we go far away to the humming meadows?

unfortunately many "adults" play make believe too. highschool blows.
just like any senior, i've been thinking about college. i have a few different options for my college life. go to AB live at home, or in the dorms. if i live at home the 'rents buy me a car. sweet money. i could go to OVU, but i'm not mentally retarded. i'm suddenly reminded that i'm taking my ACTs (for the 1st time) on saturday in elkins. woo...? for some reason i'm actually sending my scores to OVU.....and WVU, AB and Fairmont.
i'm thinking about spending some time over the summer with jessica in parkersburg. that would be peachy fun. its not like i have anyone in philippi to stay home for, sooooo there's a plan!
big sigh.

the play has ended. its a bit bittersweet. thank God i dont have stress over it anymore, but it was a fun time nonetheless. 9 people from my family came to see me today...almost filled an entire row. i kinda laughed at that.
the christmas concert at AB was good. i love the bells! i pretty much just love anything christmas related.
i'm not going to school tomorrow. i've almost lost my voice completely.

aaaand end scene.

<3

hola

so the play is tomorrow morning. i'm kinda anxious...talking myself out of nervousness...on the verge of puking. juust kidding. i just don't want to break character like i did today and have Withers break me in half..again. ouchie. so anywho, the evening performance is at 7pm tomorrow....so..come and watch...and pretend like it was the most amazing thing ever!
man, it's gonna be a busy weekend. play tomorrow, parade friday, play again on saturday at 7...play again on sunday at 3, then concert at AB at 7... and then dinner at AB on monday. geezawizz. 

i wish it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

<3